I'm part of a facebook group for mommies - the point of which, is to support each other. A place free of judgement where women can vent and ask for help. A Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) posted about her kids being extra crazy this week - not sleeping, acting out. She said she just needed a few minutes to herself to regroup and asked it anyone else was going through something similar. All SAHMs raised our hands. I replied that we were feeling the effects of the long winter and were tired of being cooped up, everyone was going stir-crazy and it was getting difficult for me to maintain my sanity. All of the comments were light hearted and supportive.
THEN this happened:
I'm a little bothered that so many stay at home mom's seem to take that time with their children for granted. I work full time plus outside the home and would kill for the chance to be there with my kids. So what if they don't appreciate you? They are children, it's not their job. I just hope that while you're venting about how much you need a break from your kids that you realize how fortunate you are! Need a break? Find a day camp or play group - I see tons of them offered during the day!
Well, Traci Ann Vokal (who is legit dressed like a mermaid in her profile pic. And not just a Halloween costume, like a movie quality mermaid tail) let me ask you something. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME HOW TO FEEL ABOUT MY SITUATION? Have you ever complained about your home, your car, your job, your spouse? I bet you have. Lady, there are homeless, carless, jobless people out there. Women with a spouse that has died or with an abusive spouse. Your struggles are relative to your situation, so stop judging anyone for having a hard time. Just because someone else would like to be in your shoes doesn't take away from your own feelings!
Let me tell you something else, Traci Ann Vokal, I was once a working Mom, sick to my stomach every time I had to take my daughter to daycare. All I wanted to do was stay home with her. I've since had another baby and working isn't a good financial choice for us, so I'm home with my two beautiful babies and all I want to do is take a shower... alone. This does not mean that I do not appreciate my time with my kids. Nor does it mean that I'm blind to the fact that many women would kill to be in my shoes. I know all of that, but sometimes it doesn't make it any easier when I'm covered in poop and drool and I haven't showered in days and I'm exhausted and hungry and there are still a million things I have to do. I keep going because I love those girls, but I don't always love each tough moment. And lady, it's tough. You have no idea until you do it for a long time. It's so hard. There are so many reasons why it's hard, too many to even list. But, I dare any of you Judgy McJudgetons to take a year to give yourself 100% to other people. No alone time. None. No time to work on you, no time to read a book. No time to listen to music, make a solo Target trip, watch a TV show (don't even think about a movie) because your job is to dedicate 100% of yourself to these little humans you've created.
I'm not asking you to feel bad for me. Don't. I love my job, even when I complain about it. To keep my sanity, I have to remind myself, daily, that these clingy, sticky children aren't going to need or want me around in a few short years so I don't need you to do it, too. I don't need you to try to make me feel like an asshole for wanting a few minutes to myself and wanting to know that other Moms out there feel the same. I don't need you to pretend to know the struggles of a SAHM and I certainly don't need your better-than-me attitude AND your ill-placed advice. Wouldn't it be nice if we all had free, unlimited access to a local playgroup or day camp?! Since you seem to have enough money to buy a movie prop mermaid tail, maybe you can fund a local camp or group in my area and pay for the transportation for everyone to get there. 4 people on one income is tight, let me tell you. We don't have the extra money to drive around, much less pay for a day camp or day care program. All those things cost money and when you're struggling to do what's best for your family by giving up your job to stay home, you just don't have the extra.
So how about Moms just support other Moms? Stay at home moms, working moms, it doesn't matter. We all have some shit going on and there is always going to be someone that would happily take our shit for their shit any day.
Let me leave this gem here to remind you we're all in this together:
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