My best advice for parents

It seems like everyone is always asking "what's the best piece of advice you can give?"  Every baby shower I go to, people ask, every time I talk to a new or to-be new parent.  I never like to say something generic, I think that people deserve a real answer so here is mine: Don't have a birth plan.

I can feel you Type-A's committing mental suicide at that thought.  "Not have a birth plan?  Are you crazy?!"  I know.  I know.  You've spend the past few months (at least) preparing for that little human to enter this world, how could you possibly NOT prepare for their actual birth?  So just hear me out.

If you're a first time parent, you've probably looked at the multi-page birth plans and were a bit overwhelmed with all the options and you started to imagine how your birth would go.  Well, here's a secret, if you've had 0 or 10 babies, each birth is going to be different.  The mood you're in, the mood your partner is in, the staff, the time of day, whatever... it's all going to influence the way you feel when you get down to it.  My problem with a birth plan is that it gets people set up for disappointment, anxiety and sometimes anger.  If you have an idea of what it's going to be like and things aren't going that way, many women find themselves experiencing those feelings.  Not to burst your bubble, but the rest of your life is going to be dictated by that little human.  What you eat, when you can go to the bathroom, what you wear, when you sleep, how you spend your money.  I mean it.  EVERYTHING.  You'd better just get used to it now and realize that your baby is going to dictate how it comes into this world and everything else thereafter.

So stop putting pressure on yourself to perfect your birth plan.  Stop wasting time googling labor positions.  Just stop.  Let your baby and your body rule the moment - it will be right and it will be perfect.

I know this from experience.  When I had Kendall, I was in the hospital about 6 hours before she was born.  I really wanted to labor in the labor pool, but she had to be monitored closely so I couldn't.  I didn't want medication, but after 3.5 hours, I gave in (the hospital staff never pushed medication on me, but I trusted them and when they recommend it a second time, based on my situation, I gave it more thought and eventually gave in and I'm glad I did.) I was allowed to push sitting, standing, on my side, which I found the most comfortable.  They gave me ice chips and didn't make me wear the oxygen mask.  Both Kendall and I had unexpected complications: Kendall spent almost a week in the NICU and I hemorrhaged really badly.  But, I relaxed and I trusted the staff.  They were supportive and gentile and just what I needed.

With Brooke, I was there less than 15 minutes.  No one asked me anything - they just went to work.  They moved me, they tried to get my clothes off, they didn't ask how I wanted to push, they didn't ask if I wanted the lights low or the music on.  There was no time for an epidural and they made me keep that f'ing mask on!  And it was just what I needed.

The point is that my two kids were totally different and not what I expected.  I went in with an open mind and I relied on my body and the hospital staff to lead my labor and both were absolutely amazing experiences.

Put down the birth plan.  Expect the unexpected and know that things aren't going to go the way you plan (and if they do, buy a lottery ticket!)  Get used to that kid dictating the rest of your life.  Embrace the spontaneity of life, trust yourself to listen to your body and be open to everything.  I promise you'll be just fine!